little over a month ago, i was with nick in the car and i had this overwhelming feel of potential. at that point, i felt like a piece of trash honestly. i was at a 9-5 job i didnt like, i felt suck there…like i never was going to find a new job (i ended up doing so and i am so happy!). i felt like i wasnt being creative anymore. i literally stop blogging, i stopped just creating in general. i knew i always wanted to start my own business but never knew what it was i wanted to do or make or provide.
and then days later, i was on tiktok and there was a video of a girl, who made dog bandannas and scrunchies and i was like WAITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. i know how to sew, i have a dog, i already had a dog IG page (yes, it was nicks ideas for me start Glen’s Bandanna Co. on glens already made ig) and i have this fricken huge bottle of potential just sitting here WAITING to be opened.
so i planned, and planned and planned. i bought super clearance fabric and started to sew. I bought everything i knew i would need from small sewing needs, to buying packaging to busniess cards to so much fabric because i wanted to make so many different bandannas. BUT my favorite question i get is – “you know how to sew?” yup i do. in high school, i worked for a family friend, juile, who owns one of the best etsy shops around – Tip Top Teepee Shop . at the time though, i was working for her other etsy stop – The Playhouse Kid. and there is something that has really suck with me since i had worked for her. her playhouse are made out of felt and we all know with any fabric, there are going to be leftovers. I remember her one day (yearssssssssssss ago) say: “you need to think of something to make and sell with all my scrap felt”. so every time i wanted to start my own business or do something creative, all i hear is her telling me i need to create something and sell it – and i blame her me starting all of this 😉
anyways, one of the many things on my “get your shit together list” was, texting julie to see if what i wanted to do was a good idea, if she could brush me up on sewing again so i went to her for a little help. and now youre thinking “wait, you have a sewing machine?” nope. no, no, i dont. i mean, juile is the life saver here because next thing i knew, i was walking out her door, carrying a sewing machine (and thank goodness she is letting me borrow that thing, it comes in handy! LOL). as i put the sew machine in my car, i sit down, turn on my car and realized, shit just got real.
at this point, i knew how to make bandannas but i knew i didnt know how to make scrunchies and let me tell you, the internet is a wonderful thing lol. i hate the phrase “fake it until you make it” but literally, i know i said a couple of times to nick “i honestly have no idea what im doing”. and all he said back was “youll get there and youll figure it out”. so i knew that is just want i needed to do, i needed to figure this out on my own. i didnt have anyone really to fall back on but myself. I had to be there for ME. which sounds really empowering and strong – let me tell you, i was scared shitless.
i honestly can say, i cannot remember the last time i was this motivated (wish i was this motivated to workout but….) i wanted to keep learning, i wanted to keep improving my skill, i wanted to challenge myself when it came to branding and finding my voice. i wanted to provide a product that i people wanted to keep coming back for. i would say the challenge i keep running into is, i try and make everyone SO perfect, when owning a business is so much more than that. its about interacting with other, listening to the wants/needs of the pet world and its about having fun. i love what i have started because i get to create and get to share my work with others. plus i love dogs!
fast forward to march 10th, i launched Glen’s Bandanna Co. on esty! yes – the name was very easy to choose, although i was worried that it was only limit me to bandannas but that wasnt the case. i can grow with the name and not have the name define me. the growth and feedback have been amazing, i love every sale i make and i love seeing customers coming back. but lets be honest, we all know that the best part is the dog pics…right? 😉 ( THANK YOU TO EVEYONE WHO HAS SUPPORTED ME – i cant thank everyone enough!!!!!!).
at the point of my launch and weeks leading after, i only wanted to have items that were boho inspired, i wanted things to be beachy, simple and airy. but that only lasted a couple of weeks. i started to realize…i cant limit myself like that. if i want the brand i have been dreaming of, i cant just stick to boho. i needed to rebrand myself, give the people what they wanted! okay, that sounds a little dramatic but seriously! I wanted to rebrand myself to something simpler, yet modern and bold (both the brand and the fabrics). i wanted the feel of Glen’s Bandanna Co. to be simple so that bandannas, scrunchies and their fabrics could stick out.
here i am, almost a month in and i have built up my ig page and have gotten to interact with SO SO SOOOOOO many pet owners, its been amazing, i have gotten more sales than i ever thought was possible in this short amount of time – i have even gotten customers that keep coming back for more.
and seriously all of this is my why.
why i keep pushing myself, why i keep trying new things, why i spend hours and hours working hard so i can see how happy it makes owners and their pups (and cats!)
i think as time goes on, and the weather gets warmer, i want to get out in the community more, meet some pups and their owners… in real life! set up my bandannas and scrunchies and have people actually see my product in person rather than on a screen.
im excited, im happy but i couldnt do it without the support i have gotten and continues to get.
at my new job, i take walks on my lunch and there have been times that i cannot believe how proud i have made myself. i see people reviewing my work, posting pictures of their dogs in MY bandannas and i seriously cannot believe it. i get that whole little pep in my step and just am so overwhelmed with joy.
i want to make big things happen – are you with me?
i dont even know where to start, should i reintroduce myself? should i explain what ive been doing for the last however many months? i dont really know.
Ive been saying this a lot on my ig but i feel like i lost it. lost my touch, lost my love for all things social media and even marketing for that matter. i feel like one day, it all didnt matter to me as much as it did the in past and im not sure why or where that came from.
also, i am not going to sit here and say much about 2020 but DUH we all know that it sucked and that we never want to relive it. (although, i did have some positive that came out of 2020! likkkkkkkkkkkkkkke getting married & BUYING A SINGLE FAMILY HOUSE…i do want to talk more about that in another post).
i came into 2021 with no goals, nothing that i wanted to achieve. part of me thought that was odd but then the other part of me was like “well, if you dont have goals then so what?” “youll figure it out”. yeah, i figured it out 3 weeks into the new year and realized that i need to focus on something at least.
here are a couple of things i want to work towards:
this is a big one for me. i always thought i was strong, that nothing could “bring me down”. and i was 110% wrong. i spent my whole life being strong for myself because thats all i knew how to do. i would always say i knew how to manage my anxiety. that i knew what to do when shit hit the fan but all of sudden this past year, my anxiety was at its peak. i finally did what i was embarrassed to do and that was reach out and talk to a therapist. i literally hate the stigma that there is around mental health. i felt embarrassed, ashamed that i saw a therapist because my whole life, i was able to “figure it out”. seeing a therapist was one of the best things i couldve done. i wish that it was talked more about how much they can help and how great of people they are. how they give you suggestions on how to handle that it is that is bothering you. i am here to tell you, if you have the slightest want or need to see a therapist, DO IT!!!!! its something that i wish i wouldve done sooner & something i need to start doing again.
ill say it again for the people in the back RELAXING! i am so bad at this. so bad. i always feel like it need to keep going and going and going but really, that is just making me not face certain things in life. lets say, that something bad happens, i try to not think about that and by doing so, i stay busy. i am slowwwwwly learning to “leave things for later” or to even say “no” to things so i can stay home and relax or do something that i enjoy. growing up, i remember i never felt “right” or “safe” to relax. meaning, i always felt like i had to be doing something to not make my parents mad or for them to think i wasnt doing anything. so an as adult, i am learning that im finally on my terms and that i can relax when i want to.
this one. ugh okay. yes, i havent stopped working out but i have really stopped working out as much as i had done in the past. i do blame the move a little on this because who wants to workout when youre moving or painting or moving? lol. but i was to the point of working out at least 5 days a week and i was feeling good!! and then that slowly went to 4 and then MAYBE to 3. i then realized that, if my body isnt totally feeling it then way force myself? why should i force myself into doing something i dont want to do? because if i go and workout, its not going to be a good workout, its going to be shitty because im already in the mindset of not doing it. BUT i do want to workout more (mix it up more, try new things) like i had in the past. i do though – want to change the mindset of it and make more enjoyable. something that has been sticking to me is that “dont make working out something you HAVE to do, make it something you GET to do”. right now, i am re-doing heather robertsons free 12 week workout plan, on youtube. she is one of my favorite workout youtube channels.
GETTING BACK INTO BLOGGING/SOCIAL MEDIA:
i just tried to hide while typing that out. AHHHHH i feel so dumb that i literally just stopped everything that i loved doing! i know the reason why i wanted to stop and that was because i was so worried about my mental health and not feeling like myself that i stopped and tried to “figure out what was wrong with me” when in reality.. its anxiety and my migraines (i dont feel like getting into that at the moment). ANYWAYS, yes, i want to blog like i used to, try new things and meet new people. i honestly feel like im not myself on socials anymore and i hate that. i feel like i cant keep up and that since im not doing what others are doing, why would you want to check out my stuff. and guess what? none of that matters, because people are going to follow you and love you FOR YOU!!! yes FOR YOU! i am ready to be me again. i am ready to create more content and im honestly ready to make a switch on what it is that i post about.
im pretty sure i could go on and on about goals and things i want to work towards but we would be here all day and i know that no one has that time. i wanted to share these with you because i know that goals can be challenging and they can be scary. goals also dont need to be crazy wild either. they can be simple.
ive also been getting a lot of requests for my mac n cheese recipe so i think thatll be my next post… yes, i have one now but i need to revamp it!
i asked, you answered. here is some of the weird stuff ive tried over the past monthish.
okay – i have to say though, i didnt try anything REALLY CRAZY like deep fired cockroaches or jumping off a 500 foot cliff.
ANYWAYS, i feel like since i had a lot of time, i would try new things that one, ive either been wanting to try for a while now or two, i saw something else doing it and im like “yup, im going to try that”. and why not try new things when there is literally nothing else to do. sooo i did! here are a few things i dabbled in:
DALGONA COFFEE + MUSHROOM COFFEE
yes i realize that everyone is doing this trend but hey! i wanted to try too so i did. i am more than sure youve seen how to make this and are probs drinking one right now BUT i got my recipe from: organically becca. as i read her post about it, i realized i had to try. i then thought “ick, instant coffee is gross”. but as i read on, she said she used mushroom coffee and i knew this was my chance to try it myself. i have always heard that mushroom coffee is good for you but i was always worried of it tasting earthy or literally like mushrooms. so i went on amazon and ordered this stuff. and i love it!! it a strong flavor and i know youre wondering, there isnt a mushroom flavor. what i would suggest doing is only using ONE coffee packet, thats how flavorful they are.
dermaaaa whattttttt? what is that? its when you take a little facial razor and glide it over (AKA shave) your face to remove dead skin but also exfoliates it and helps with application of make up. BUT its to overall have smoother skin. ive been wanting to try this for the longest time, well professionally but again, i have all the time in the world now so i figured i would watch a couple videos and i would know what to do! the person who i turned to was celeste thomas, in this IG post, she shows you whathca gotta do! i honestly thought this was going to be a lot more involved but nope! her video is simple & easy to follow. i ended up buying these razors off of amazon and they work perfect. my skin was so soft afterwards and for a few days after. and NO your hair on your face doesnt grow back thicker and darker. TMI but i do have upper lip hair and its been a week now and i havent seen a hair come back like i thought i wouldve. i cant speak on how its like to apply makeup after dermaplaning because i dont wear makeup so dont hate me for that! i will say though that the overall feel and look of my skin has changed.
another derma? YUP! this one is a little different than the razor above. this tool if you will, is pretty much what it sounds like. its a roller and on the roller on small little needles that put little holes in your skin and yes, they will heal. what does that mean for your skin? it means that when you roll your face, it sends a “distressed” signal to your face, telling your face it needs to heal. i got my “how to” from organically becca. this is her blog post on the who, what, where and when to roll your face. this process does hurt. okay not, a lot a lot but you are pushing small needles into your face. here is the roller i got, they make different sizes of needle but this size is suggested if youre just starting out. overall, i havent really noticed a HUGE difference in my skin since using this but again, ive only done it twice. i have read a lot that you should have a really good moisturizer after you get roll since your skin is open and more absorbent, i use high antioxidant night repair treatment & it works wonders! (i also sell LBRI sooo if you need new skincare, let a girl now!).
FREE THE ARMPIT
but really. ive been antiperspirant free for about a month? annnnnd its been hard. i mean sweaty and stinky. i did a lot of reading on how bad it is to use antiperspirant so i thought, hey why not! ive been drinking mushroom coffee and shaving my face, why not try this. okay, i will say that i did this because nick tried and he said it was fine and it really wasnt that bad so im like “yup – got this!”. and now i am not totally sold on it. i think im sweating just talking about it right now. thank god i have a black shirt on. ugh i hate to admit this buttttt i had a horrible sweating problem in middle school to the point that i only wore black because of it. and now, i feel like im back in middle school and have to ~worry~ about what i wear because ill sweat. and it doesnt stop there. there is stink. you will stink. and your clothes will stink. and your new middle name will be stink. you dont stink at first but once the weeks go on, you do! i have read that it does stop and that things do get better but that is sort of hard for me to believe. one of the mail reasons why im sticking it out is because, its not normal for our bodies not to sweat. what i mean is, with us putting antiperspirant on, we are not allowing our bodies to sweat which means we arent letting our bodies flush out toxins. since we arent flushing out toxins in our sweat, theyre just being pushed back into the body. GROSS! ANDDDDD when you shave your pits, if you do, you create little holes on the skin and when you put antiperspirant on, youre only pushing it deeper into your pits & making it even harder for your body to flush toxins. you guessed it, science class is over lol. i have experimented with two different deodorants. i also read that you should switch up your deodorants so your body doesnt become used to just the one and it stops working. the first one i tired was, schmidts lavender and sage. i like it, it smells really good but i found it didnt work as well as i thought it wouldve. again, it was the first one i used and when you first start, your body goes whacky and needs time to detox so maybe i will try this one again. the one im using now and really enjoying is doterras balance. ugh it smells so good and i feel like it works really hard at keeping me dry! i mean, this stuff isnt bullet proof but does do a good job! my heath guru friend, paige said that native brand works really well too! so that will be my next try.
MADE A PODCAST
okay okay, i cannot wait all the credit for this. my bff since 5th grade, ceci came to me a couple of weeks ago and said she wanted to do zoom chat or something that was recorded and we could ask each other a couple of questions and thats it. well, i cant really remember how it all started but somehow we were like LETS JUST MAKE A PODCAST!!! because why the fuck not! i have to admit, we really had no idea what we are doing, we dont have an intro song, or a fancy mic or an outline of how things were going to go or anything of that. we pretty much just said “lets do this”. all we did was download a podcast recording app, used a picture of us from 5th grade as our “cover” and BOOM we had a podcast. oh, the name was totally ceci…she went to goodwill and found a shirt that said “unbothered” and right there, she was named! ceci & kelsey : unbothered. each podcast will have a theme and from there, we will write one another questions and then ask them to each other. we pretty much cannot be bothered, by anything… and if we are, well talk about it. our goal is to bring laughs, positivity and real conversation back. we recorded our first episode this past weekend and cannot wait to do more. we have already made a list of what we want to change/improve…which is a lot because duh, we had no idea what we were doing. ANYWAYS, if youre interested in our first attempt of our podcast you can FIND IT HERE. and when you listen, because i know you will…let us know how you like it!
well, thats all i got! i hope everyone is staying safe and positive out there ❤
what if i told you that, for almost a year now i havent felt myself.
what if i told you that i have been to multiple doctors and they told me over and over again that they didnt know what is wrong. and then you tried to tell others what you are feeling and all they could say was that “youre fine” or “i hope you get answers soon”.
what if i told you that ive spent endless hours googling what i thought was wrong and then one day, well sitting in my car, i filled out a random survey off of a website that i googled and found the answer as to what was wrong.
do i sound crazy yet? are you confused? wait…something was going on with you? HUH!
i said i wouldnt call this “my story” or “my journey” but i think i have too? i think i want you to read this as a reminder to not give up on yourself, your health and your gut feeling. it was even told to my face that “youre going through all of if just so you can blog about it”. yeah, got me…i have spent the last year doing what i did just so you can be reading this right now and have something to do.
anyways – here we are and im going to tell you how the last tenish months of my life have been.
last may, i was at a barre class (yes…ive been scared to go back since) and we were towards the end of the class and all of sudden i started to feel dizzy and off, brain fog feeling. and i just thought “oh whatever, youre fine, youre working out, this happens all the time. itll go away”.
for nine months, i have felt dizzy. well, it started off has feeling dizzy, i would always tell people that i felt “buzzed” or that the world was moving and i wasnt. and the normal response to that was “that actually seems sort of fun, why wouldnt you want to be buzzed?”. i thought it was crazy for people to say that, why would i like feeling this buzzed feeling from the minute i woke up to the minute i went to bed. it just didnt make sense.
so i figured i would head to the doctor, even though i hated the doctor and explain to him what i was feeling. at this point i really didnt even feel THAT bad like i said, just the buzzed feeling.
i sat there in the doctors office and had him tell me that he had no idea what was going on. i was so upset. like youre a doctor…how do you not know what is going on???? at this point, i felt alone. and to be honest pretty fucking mad. the doctor told me that if it keeps going on within a couple of weeks to come back and see him. so i did just that and again, he told me that he had no idea what was wrong and suggested i see an ENT.
and i thought, wait…maybe its my ears. at this point though, i started to notice more symptoms than just this buzzed feeling. i started to actually feel dizzy, i felt like i was going to pass out because i would walk into a big, semi crowded area and start to panic. like wtf is going on? i never was like this before. i never got nervous going places and now im freaking out in big stores like target or costso?
as i was headed into the ENT doctor, thinking to myself “this is going to be it! this has to be my ears. finally ill get answers. and feel like myself again!”
every test they tried came back normal. my ears were working just fine, nothing was filled or out of place.it was finally time to see the ENT doctor and she literally told me that i have migraines. well yeah, thanks. i already knew that but thats NOT what is going on. i was told to change my diet and read some books about migraines and it should help. at this point, i felt even more alone. i felt like this was something that i would have to just feel, all the time. for the rest of my time. okay i know this sounds dramatic but its honestly how i was feeling because i was trying to get help and nothing was working.
at this point, i was willing to try anything. which means i turned to holistic medicine. now, i am not going to go 100% in this but this was something that i truly enjoyed. if you want to know more about this part, please let me know! although the holistic medicine didnt solve my dizziness, it did help in other aspects of my life such as heart and gut health.
in the mean time though, i did seek out help from another primary doctor who i explained my symptoms too and she said that she wasnt sure what it could be and ordered me to take a blood test. well, everything came back normal. i was was crushed but also not surprised. just like always “everything is fine and how about i send you to another doctor since i cant help you”. this doctor suggested i see a neurologist who i wouldnt be able to see until APRIL mind you, at this point in was late december. i again thought, how the hell can i wait that long for something that i should be getting checked out NOW!?? so there i sat, waiting for what i knew would be months until i would hopefully get the answers i was looking for.
i truly started to freak out. i was getting married in 6 months, i would be going on many trips this coming year…how was i suppose to have fun or even look forward to any of that when i felt like crap everyday.
now it was the new year and again, nothing really didnt change. i was always still feeling buzzed or even dizzy. the overwhelming feeling when walking into a big box store was still there. i still was seeing my holistic medicine practitioner because i thought something along the way would help because i was out of ideas. at one of my last sessions, she suggested i see a chiropractor. this was the first time in a long time that i was excited to see a a doctor.
so i headed to the chiropractor and explained everything to him. at this point, i didnt hold anything back, i was so wanting to get an answer. my first session was a little scary, all i could think was about how much i hate the noise of things cracking. something that stood out when i was there was, when he was doing a full exam of everything, he told me that my shoulders and neck were VERY tight for someone my age. i just thought it was because i was stressed with everything that has been going on so i just brushed it off. i went for a total of six visits and at the end, the doctor felt sorry we wasnt able to help. but im not going to complain…my back felt amazing! but still felt everything i had been feeling.
now, i wear glasses buttttt only at night to drive and to see far away and even then i never really wore them because i didnt like them. i thought that wearing my glasses would help, i mean it was worth a shot. at this point, i was also up to see my eye doctor so i made an appointment. i started wearing my glasses and i didnt really feel a difference but i did seem a LITTLE less dizzy so i kept wearing them. i kept googling my symptoms and i read that i had everything under the sun, i mean duh! google tells you that youre dying every time you look something up! then randomly, i started to google: “can not wearing your glasses make you dizzy?”. and some how i found myself filling out this survey from some eye clinic in illinois. almost every single question they asked was something i had been feeling or something i have experienced. i was freaking out, like this is me! what if i have binocular vision dysfunction aka bvd? what if this is whats wrong with me! so i filled out the survey and it said that someone would call me and i just though that it was fake and this was too good to be true. so i started to really looking into bvd.
here is the survey that i took, i scored extremely higher than i should have.
but i still had an appointment with my normal eye doctor, i explained some of what i was feeling, pretty much the dizziness, the buzzed feeling and the feeling of being overwhelmed in a big box store. the doctor pretty much laughed at me and said that my eyes are stained that i should wear my glasses all the time now and therefore i should wear contacts. OMG I HATED CONTACTS! it was horrible.
at this point, after a lot of personal research, convincing to nick that i wasnt crazy and talking with the clinic in illinois, meaning i talked over the phone with the eye specialist that i was going to see. i was convinced this was it, that i needed to go.
in mid february, i drove to clarendon vision development center in westmont, il. now this is only like a hour away from mke so the drive was easy. this is the only eye specialist that is near mke so that is why we made the drive down there. i was nervous, i was worried this wasnt going to work, again. i was worried that something REALLY bad was wrong with me and that this was another shot in the dark.
i met with dr. cumings and omg. what a great doctor! i felt like she was my friend and she was VERY understanding of what i was feeling and was ensuring me that we would be able to fix, yes fix this. the overall assessment took over an hour. and the assessment is nuts! its not just an eye exam, its a neurovisual evaluation – “which is is detailed and thorough examination of vision, including assessment for small amounts of vision misalignment that are causing the symptoms of bvd”. meaning, its a fulllllll on exam of your eyes, of how your eyes are able to “handle” different movements and what not. i wont explain it all but i never knew this much went into finding out that i have.
here are a list of a lot of what i was feeling…yes, its a lot.
in short, what this means is, when i got my concussion in june 2018, the fall created my eyes to work at different rates. if you will, they became misaligned. so my eyes were doing two different things at two different times therefore confusing my brain and creating all my dizziness and all the other things i had going on. remember the stiff neck and shoulders that the chiropractor said i had?? well thats all to do with my eyes. its one of the symptoms, i thought that was interesting! ANYWAYS so now what?
i then got new glasses made that have prism in them. pretty much they help make my eyes work together again, they fool your eyes into thinking that they are working together without straining them. meaning, my symptoms would be lessened or even gone.
now fast forward to today, april 1st.
the first two to three weeks with my glasses on, i felt amazing. i felt like a new person! but then, i started to feel my symptoms coming back and i started to freak out because things were going so well! i was feeling so much better and now, i wasnt. so i reached out to dr. cumings and she said i might be wearing my new glasses TOO much. meaning my eyes have “fixed” themselves and wearing the glasses is bothering them now. she gave me a couple of exercises to do to straighten my eyes and told me to just feel out when i need my glasses and when i dont. this weekend was suppose to be my follow up with her but ya know! we are stuck at home. another reason why things have been off again for my eyes is because i may need new lenses. bvd is weird and different for everyone. so there isnt a cut and dry answer as to how its going to work for each person since each case is so different and people are different. meaning its alot of trial and error before you find something that works for you.
and with everything going on, i am still going to the neurologist tomorrow just to make sure everything is really okay. my mom has MS so think its important now to talk to a doctor about it and just to get reinsurance that everything is okay and that its just trail and error with my eyes at this point.
thats all i got! i wrote this because i hope that someone who needs to find this will and know they arent alone. know that they arent crazy for feeling what they do and they shouldnt stop until they find the answer or until they feel like themselves again.
i will tell you that this hasnt been fun, its been very sad and hard for me. im a postive person, a happy person and the way i felt took that away. i am slowly regaining “the old me” but in turn, growing from this & trying to be better than what i was before.
please dont hesitate to reach out to me with any questions you may have or if youre wanting to talk about something that youre feeling due to feeling the same way i did.
i think i typed and then deleted this first part here like five times so im not even going to try again to sound like i have it together.
i feel like ive been hiding my life more than normal when it comes to posting here or on IG (i know youve missed me). i feel as if the lack of being present is because one, ive been balls deep in wedding planning, yes – im that bride that just wants to do everything by herself and not have any help. we all know that isnt possible. another reason is because i feel totally and completely lost when it comes to who i am. i found myself getting caught up in what i am rather than who i am. i felt as if i wasnt being 100% myself and i hated that so i kind of took a step back. its hard to not look at others and think “wow, thats a lot of followers….what am i doing wrong?” or ” dang okay, well what i posted is stupid because no one really commented on it or liked it”. and why does that matter? it doesnt. but like i said, it bothered me so bad that i didnt post much, i didnt do my normal photoshoots, i stopped looking through a creative lenses. which ISNT ME AT ALL. come on, im that kid who always answered “art” as my favorite subject.
but im bored. i am bored of not showing my life, what im doing or what im eating. im bored of pretending to be someone who im not. and okay, im not saying that social media totally changed me and i slipped into a dark hole of being a totally different person but you get it. im fine, i really am. this is sound more dramatic than it should be but im dramatic so its fitting!
im bored of talking about the same old same old, im bored of not show you what i really want to show you. im bored of staying in my shell and not being me. say bored one more time. bored.
so here is girl scout 3 finger, “on my honor…”
i will be me, i will do this and i will NOT let myself or you down.
i realized i havent written a blog post in over a month, maybe more… i am not fully sure of that. i know, im on your shit list.
yes, i will need to post my monthly food blog and i do want to post my engagement story too ~so cute~ AND the story behind mouth full of milwaukee, if you have no idea what that is, check it out here.
but enough of that! i bet youre wondering where i have been, what ive been doing and why i havent written in the longest time. well, grab your popcorn because here it is.
**taps mic to see if its on**
about a month ago now, i put on IG that i was going back to school (dont go and check, i took it down). school for coding, web design and development. now now, it wasnt school school, it was a boot-camp that was self paced, 6sixmonths long and all online. i did my research, i looked at what jobs in the field looked like and what they all were ab out, i thought i did it all. i became SO excited to start that i sort of bit the bullet, told myself that i could do this and that i should do something i have never thought i could do.
so i started. annnnnnd everything during the first week seemed to be going okay but i was struggling but duh, i had just started something that i have never done before and knew nothing about. i was sort of understand, asking for help when needed and attended all the meetings that were required. but that voice in my head said to keep going, to keep pushing, and to keep doing something i have never done before. then came week three of the boot-camp. i sat there, did my reading, when i got to my assignment, shit hit the fan.
i realized this wasnt for me. i spent two hours balling my eyes out because i felt like a failure, that i wasted so much time and money (that is a whole other can of worms. i kept thinking that i let myself down. i had these thoughts of: “how lame am i that i couldnt even finish something i said i could?”. ” i feel really stupid because i told the world what i was doing and now i decided that this wasnt for me and i dont want to finish it”. “why would i spend three weeks on something that didnt make me feel fulfilled?”.
then i realized, i liked the idea of what i could be but it truly wasnt who i was. there was time that i sat there and thought: “ugh if i get a job in this field, i dont know if ill like it because theres no planning or coordinating”. “i really dont care what im doing or what im reading” and “you literally cannot stop doing this boot camp because you told yourself you wouldnt quick and i want to better your life”.
it took my about two days to realize that what i thought and what i did was okay. i realized that i shouldnt force myself into something i really dont like or want to do. just because the voice in my head is telling me one thing doesnt mean its meant for me.
i also realized that the voice in my head should be put towards something that i truly WANT, something that keeps me going day after day after day, like this blog, my foodie events, working this brands and the million other things i enjoy.
my point in all of this is, chase a dream that you know you want. i will be honest, when i first signed up for this boot-camp, i thought it was the dream ive been waiting for. i thought it was the answer to all of my “im 25 and i dont know what i want to do with my life” but quickly realized it wasnt my dream and so what? im 25. 25!!!! i have a lot of dreams, you guys do too. i dream of becoming a successful blogger, the best coordinator and planner and whatever else i get my hands into.
like i said, by amping myself up and then backing out made me feel “dumb” and “stupid”. at one point i even said i felt like a failure. but guess what, im not. dont feel like a failure if you tried, if you put your best foot forward and you did what you thought was right. take those negative thoughts and feelings and feed them into finding your passion, finding what it is you dream of doing (yes, you can dream of doing a lot of things). dont let something that YOU didnt like, ruin everything you do.
please please please be honest with yourself + your feelings. its okay to change your mind, its okay to drop everything and start a new dream.
i promise my next post will be sooner than later 😉
so this is really weird to me. i feel like a mom. because now i know what it feels like when your baby turns one.
MY BLOG IS ONE YEAR OLD TODAY PEOPLE!!! (yes, i actually thought about throwing myself a party).
i was trying to think about what i would write about. one of thoughts was “365 things i learned about blogging”, like what are you thinking kelsey? do you want you fingers to fall off? can you even think of 365 things? well, yeah im sure i can…ask any of my friends, i can talk about nothing for forever. then it came to me, i wanetd to share what i have learned in the past year. and no, im not going to share 365 things i learned lol.
i can remember the day i started my blog, check out my first post here. ugh if you just clicked on that…i am so sorry.
i came home from work, sat on my porch because IT WAS ACTUALLY WARM OUT and i told myself it start my blog. i literally had no idea what i was doing, or what i was going to talk about or even what type of pictures i was going to take (hence the self timer i used). all i knew was i wanted to name it “kupofkelsey”. so at least i had that going for me. oh! i also knew i didnt want to use a lot of punctuation or capitalization. this is because ive always wanted to be taza, one of my favorite bloggers/people EVER!
and a year later, we are here!
and honestly, i couldnt be more proud of myself.
here are a few things i have learned over this past year:
JUST DO IT:
yeah yeah, i know i sound like nike here but seriously. i will be the first to tell you that i am horrible at making decisions. like im that person who cant even pick where they want to go to dinner. before i started my blog, i talked for like two year on how i should start one. i even asked people if i started a blog, would they read it. like i said before, i came home one afternoon, said “im going to do this” and i did it.
i actually kind of enjoyed writing in school but was always afraid about what others (the teacher really) was going to think of my writing. i look back and think: “WHY DID YOU CARE SO MUCH??” ugh. only if i could tell my younger self that now. since starting this blog, i have really found my voice. yeah it didnt come right away but post after post, it became stronger and stronger. cant you just hear me read this to you? i know you do, dont fool yourself. this blog as taught me to just type the way i would talk, to not sound like a robot or not type in a way that doesnt fit who i am.
well that is kind of a lie…i planned to have this post already done and here i am sitting on the couch with glen typing this bad boy out. but NORMALLY i have my posts all typed up and everything is planned out before the day of me posting it. but the blog isnt the only place i have learned time management. i have learned it in my everyday life too. i have learned when to make time for events, meet ups and everything else us bloggers have to attend to. just kidding, we dont HAVE to, we want too. and let me tell you, if you want to do something bad enough, youll make the time for it!
this one really hits home for me. i feel like i have gone through waves of feeling confident to waves of not having confidence at all. since starting my blog, i feel like it has given me SO SO SOOOO many opportunities. with those opportunities, i had to push myself to be myself, to go out and attend events where i didnt know if i would fit in or not, create content that i really hoped helped/changed someones thinking. i had to “bite the bullet” and like i said before, i just had to do it. and because of that, it had taught me confidence. i look back at who i was a year ago and she is nothing like she is today. today, i have enough confidence to not really care what other people think about what i do, what i say or what i look like. i have enough confidence to go to events alone and just mingle and connect with like minded people. i have enough confidence to fail. sometimes you think something is going to go amazing and it doesnt. i have learned to be okay with that. because when i fail, i do all i can to improve the situation. therefore i am growing as a person.
happy one year to me, to my blog and to everyone who takes the time out of their life to read what i have to say.
cheers to this past year and i cannot wait for this next year!!
yeah i know, i do this all the time to you. i say how long ive been gone and then promise to come back sooner than later than i never do.
i get it, im not your favorite blogger anymore, well i know thats a lie because once you are hooked on my blog, you never can leave it 🙂 (its a proven fact).
as i explained in my instagram post a few weeks ago, i havent felt creative and that is something that is SO unlike me (another proven fact). i dont know what is it. i dont get how i can be creative one week but then not another? im sure theres a million articles about this but lets keep it simple and just say we dont know, deal? with that being said, i have put off writing blog posts, put off cooking and even put off trying to think of creative ideas to come up with. UGH what a draaaaaag.
so where am i going with this? i feel like i become so uncreative because im so worried/focused on what path i should be on in my life. this isnt my first time writing about this either, i wrote about it pretty much this same thing back in october and i guess i still have no idea what im doing **insert nervous laugh here**. the reason why i am bringing it up again is because i find myself getting so wrapped up in what i should do with my life rather than not focusing on the good im doing now or how far i have come.
i have a lot of dreams but one of them is to have this blog becoming bigger than i could ever imagine. i would be on cloud 9 if i could make this blog more than just a hobby but make it my job, while still having fun with it, of course. i dream of interacting with more people, i would love to inspire others more too. i would love to give trips & tricks to other people who are in the same boat as me. bbbbbbbbut then this stupid little world IS ALWAYS popping into my head – how?
how do i do that?
how do i get where i want to go?
how do i figure this out without paying hundreds of dollars from a program?
how do i get people to think im interesting? ( trick question, i know you all think im the most interesting person ever).
how do i not loose my voice in a crowd of people?
how do i create content that is different than the rest?
how do i know loose hope, creativity or myself in the mix of other people.
i wish i had the answer to all of that, but i dont…i know, im sorry! i wish someone could hold my hand and tell me how things should be done but then that wouldnt be any fun lol.
i know success doesnt come over night, i understand that. but wanting something so bad and it not happening RIGHT AWAY is a harsh reality. yes i know, everything takes time and you have to work hard for what you want.
my advice is, to never give up regardless of the goal.
ive only started my blog less than a year ago and i personally feel like ive grown so much. others might not see it which im totally okay with. some of my favorite bloggers said they started off their blogs just for fun and with time, its gotten them to the place they are now. that is something that has always stuck in my head. just because you start off slow or are doing something because it brings you joy doesnt mean it cannot become something so much more.
dont let others make you loose sight of your goals, dont let yourself loose sight either.
goals are are fully in your control and dont forget that. dont worry so much about achieving your goal(s) over night because that probs wont happen but focus more on achieving your goal(s) in a way you know you can & that will make you proud. goals come in all shapes and sizes and if you want to achieve them, i say do it! i say do all you can to make your dreams come true. google anything that you need or want to know about your goal, listen to podcasts, read that book or reach out to someone and ask for advice.
goals are what you make them and if youre anything like me, youll do anything to achieve them!
one of my goals for 2019 is to focus more on this blog. i feel like 2018 was just a starting year for me and i havent really taken the “jump” to make my blog truly what i want it to become. ( remember from my last post…im trying to be a famous blogger here).
……..waiting to become famous………
i know that some may read this and know who i am and thats great, hi again! but others might not know me as well as some. thats why i wanted to have a post, introducing myself. i get it, i could be here all day but i figured i would give you 10 facts about myself.
when i started my blog, i never really did an introduction post. i just did a simple: “hey im kelsey, i live in bayview and i like where i live”.
so here i go, 10 facts about me. i dont have to tell you to enjoy because i know you will 😉
#1: i worry too much about what others are going to think about my writing/posts. i worry that what i write about on here or what i post on instagram, people are going to judge. i hate that. i try and tell myself all the time to not worry what others are going to think. i should write for me and for the people who enjoy my writing. you think i shouldnt worry about that crap but i do! its sound silly because i am doing something for myself and others but then im worried about what others are going to think or say. i think that is going to be one of my goals for 2019…to not care so much about what others are would think/say.
#2: i started blogging because i told myself i needed an outlet that was creative. and here i am! its been about six months and im still figuring out what i want to blog about. because right now i feel like i blog about 10,000 different things. but dont worry, fashion is not my strong skill here. so no worries about me talking about fashion. i think blogging has really helped me “come out of my shell”. i think its important to try something new and i knew i needed to do something i havent done before. i now think about blogging all the time and are always thinking about what i can blog about next.
#3: i am the only child with divorced parents. shocking? probs not. yeah i am the only child soooo growing up, i had just me, myself and i. i always wanted a little brother or sister but i dont think the world could handle more than one of us. LOL. but growing up, my parents where divorced (dont worry, i will not go into detail). so i lived with my dad (we arent even going to go there…) and visited my mom on the weekends or days off school. sorry there isnt a lot of detail here…sore subject.
#4: i buy almost all my clothes at goodwill or off the clearance racks. for some reason, my brain doesnt like to spend a lot of money on clothes. i think the reason is because style comes and does so quickly that i cannot wrap my head around spending $50 bucks on a shirt and only wearing it twice. plus i love the hunt for cute, semi stylish clothes (told you i wouldnt blog about fashion) from goodwill or the messy clearance racks. i also love when im asked: “where did you get that sweater or shirt?”. and i get all warm and fuzzy inside, squint my eyes and have a little smile on my face and say: “goodwill”. although, i nearly died when i “went all out” for my birthday outfit and spent $30 on a sweater…but you only turn 25 once 😉
#5: i have my bachelors in early childhood education. this is a hard topic for me because i dont regret going to school for education but looking back, i wish i would have done something more neutral. BUT at the time, i wanted to be a teacher and there will always be a little part of me who wants to be one. but right now, i cannot see myself in a classroom. i find the developmental side of education far more interesting than the teaching. i love watching children problem solve and learn from their mistakes. SOOO thank you to all the teachers out there, you guys are rockstars!
#6: i am an administration supervisor aka an office manager. i work for a logistics company called mainfreight . pretty much we move freight from point a to point b. i never ever saw myself this is position but it has helped me mature in ways i knew i needed to work on both professionally and personally. even though i work in an office of mostly guys, there is never a dull moment. the guys like to use nerf guns and throw stress balls….dont worry i have a nerf gun in my desk drawer and have stress balls ready for any occasion.
#7: i love whiskey. ask any on my friends. i blame nick, 100% for getting me to like it wayyyy back in college, just kidding…its not wayyyy back but its been a couple of years. if you needed to know my go to, its: whiskey with seltzer water (yes, i have taste buds of a 50 year old man). otherwise, if youre buying, i would do an old fashioned, sour (if brandy is an option, i normally go with that) or a whiskey sour with egg white served up. ugh now i want one!
#8: nick and i have been dating since april 2012. wow, that sounds like a super long time saying it that way! if you want all the gush here it is: we meet in our senior year of high school, in math class. He started talking to me first (he would tell you otherwise). but i would tell my friends how weird it was that nick was talking to me (ladies, i know you got my back here!!!) . but after a couple months of talking and during spring break where my friends took my phone and changed nicks name to “BOYFRIEND”, we had our first date at chilis…come on, we were 18! it was the thing! and the rest is history. i wouldnt trade nick for the world, hes the best! its amazing how someone can double as your boyfriend and your best friend 🙂
hang in there, i am just as shocked as you are that i made it this far about talking about myself.
#9: i love doing laundry. and no, this is not an invite for me to come over and do yours. i guess im just that crazy person who likes their stuff clean all the time. theres no guessing, thats the truth. im crazy. and i love things clean. brb, while i do some laundry.
#10: i love my home. nick and i bought our house back in april. its a duplex, we live on the bottom and rich, our tenet lives on the top. rich is not your normal “upstairs neighbor”. hes in his 70s, hes lived here for over 20 years and still goes out every thursday with this high school friends. both nick and i along with our family and friends have put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this place. but at the end of the day, i am proud to call this house home, i am proud of all the learning that has taken place here and i am happy for all the memories that have been made here so far. as a kid, i was always moving around so now having a home that i know isnt going anywhere soon, means a lot to me. i love milwaukee, i love bayview, i just love the city. trust me, mud, dirt roads and trucks are not for me. i will always be a city girl and i totally okay with that!
guys….we made it!! i hope you know feel like we are besties. i hope i didnt bore you or i didnt just say stuff and youre like: “i already know this kelsey”.
heres to 2019, heres to not worrying about what people will say or what people will think. here is to blogging without limits. heres to believing in myself that i can do this and i should trust my judgement!
i wanted to write a post about being 25. i know, i know…big deal.
plus today is my birthday so how would i know anything about being 25?
i guess the first reason why i am here is because i havent done a reflection post in forever and the second reason is because I WANTED TOO!
i think 24 was filled with complete highs and complete lows and by lows, i mean the lowest of lows.
the past year i would say has been the most fun i think ive had in my adult life but was filled with so many life lessons.
this is a place for honesty right? well, if i am being honest, one of the most important things i have learned this past year is: life is too short. i am not a religious person so i am not going down that path buttttttt for real each day is a gift. you have no fucking idea what tomorrow is going to bring you. you dont know if your tomorrow is going to be good or bad, you dont know if your tomorrow is even going to come. with that being said, its so important to live in the moment ( yes that is super hard, i get that. i am a planner type person and i always need to know each and every detail so yes, living in the moment is hard for me). there is nothing THAT important to worry about to ruin what you should be feeling and experiencing right then and there in the moment youre in. i have to ALWAYS remind myself to take a break and realize what my life has to offer me. i need that reminder because i am an over thinker, i get worried about the dumbest things. and at the end of the day…that stuff doesnt matter. what matters is what you achieved that day, what good you have done for yourself and others and hope that tomorrow is just as good as today if not, better.
another thing i have learned this past year is, dont settle for something you dont like. **this is something i am personally still working on** if you dont like something, then change it! if you dont like something then let it be known. there should be no shame in your feelings. if your gut is telling you no, then its telling you no. i feel as if i come off as a person who can say anything thats on my mind and i dont care. well that is the case 85% of the time but that other 15% of me HATES saying how i am feeling about something. its because im scared about what the person/s are going to say/react. i am slllloooowwwwly learning that you need to stand up for yourself and say something when you dont like something. regardless if it something minor or something major. this really could be for anything. i feel as if this also goes hand and hand with standing up for yourself.
stand up for yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! i am learning to put my big girl pants on and stand up for myself. yes. it. can. be. super. hard. but. you. can. do. it! i am horrible at this, i really struggle with sticking up for myself because i am so worried about what others are going to say or how they are going to react. but why should that matter? if youre expressing how you feeling than who cares? you have every right to say what you want…okay within reason, you know what i mean. so here is your wake up call! do not be scared or worried to stand up for what you feeling or what you believe in. and know youre not alone in this, i am with you. when i am sticking up for myself, i literally have this little voice in my head telling me that it is okay and that im doing the right thing. so if you wanna envision me in your head… ill let you 😉
lets see, what else have i learned?
owning a house isnt all cupcakes and rainbows but i wont bore you with all of that stuff lol…maybe in another post
orrrr have getting a puppy is a non stop job? dont worry, i will be posting “glen 102” soon! i dont leave you guys hanging on glen updates!
oh one more thing i learned it, dont be afraid to try something new. how cliché right? but seriously! sometimes you have to “bite the bullet” and do it. one thing that sticks out to the me the most is this blog. in the back of my head, i have this dream of becoming a “famous blogger”…fingers crossed and hopefully someone famous see this and loves me and wants to make me famous lol! but i literally talked YEARS about starting a blog but never did. i would get so close to signing up for one and then nope. never happened. one day after work, i told myself that if i dont sign up right now then ill never do it. looking back on it, it was one of the best choices i have made. starting a blog as taught me to let go and really express what it is i am feeling. it has shown me that i shouldnt care what people are going to think and say about me. if someone really likes what i have to say, they will keep coming back for more. its taught me to think outside the box. i would say that about 23/7 i am thinking about what i should blog next about. it sounds crazy but i love it.
lastly, as i have blogged about before… but dont worry about where you are right now in life. because it could be tonight, tomorrow or in five years, you will figure out what this life has in store for you. how i look at it is, how boring would life be if at 25 you know everything you needed to know, you had your whole life figured out and you just ran through the motions of everyday life. no. that sounds like no fun if you ask me. my point is, this is your reminder that its okay if you have no idea what you want to do in the future or even what you want to do right now in life. regardless what youre doing, just make sure YOU are happy. do things that make you shine, make your soul warm and make you excited for tomorrow. but remember, enjoy today as much as you can, dont worry so much and tell people that you love them because tomorrow is never a promise.
happy birthday me and to the probs four million other people who i share this birthday with 🙂