its 2020! new year, new me…right?
i think i typed and then deleted this first part here like five times so im not even going to try again to sound like i have it together.
i feel like ive been hiding my life more than normal when it comes to posting here or on IG (i know youve missed me). i feel as if the lack of being present is because one, ive been balls deep in wedding planning, yes – im that bride that just wants to do everything by herself and not have any help. we all know that isnt possible. another reason is because i feel totally and completely lost when it comes to who i am. i found myself getting caught up in what i am rather than who i am. i felt as if i wasnt being 100% myself and i hated that so i kind of took a step back. its hard to not look at others and think “wow, thats a lot of followers….what am i doing wrong?” or ” dang okay, well what i posted is stupid because no one really commented on it or liked it”. and why does that matter? it doesnt. but like i said, it bothered me so bad that i didnt post much, i didnt do my normal photoshoots, i stopped looking through a creative lenses. which ISNT ME AT ALL. come on, im that kid who always answered “art” as my favorite subject.
but im bored. i am bored of not showing my life, what im doing or what im eating. im bored of pretending to be someone who im not. and okay, im not saying that social media totally changed me and i slipped into a dark hole of being a totally different person but you get it. im fine, i really am. this is sound more dramatic than it should be but im dramatic so its fitting!
im bored of talking about the same old same old, im bored of not show you what i really want to show you. im bored of staying in my shell and not being me. say bored one more time. bored.
so here is girl scout 3 finger, “on my honor…”
i will be me, i will do this and i will NOT let myself or you down.