hi, im still here.
i realized i havent written a blog post in over a month, maybe more… i am not fully sure of that. i know, im on your shit list.
yes, i will need to post my monthly food blog and i do want to post my engagement story too ~so cute~ AND the story behind mouth full of milwaukee, if you have no idea what that is, check it out here.
but enough of that! i bet youre wondering where i have been, what ive been doing and why i havent written in the longest time. well, grab your popcorn because here it is.
**taps mic to see if its on**
about a month ago now, i put on IG that i was going back to school (dont go and check, i took it down). school for coding, web design and development. now now, it wasnt school school, it was a boot-camp that was self paced, 6sixmonths long and all online. i did my research, i looked at what jobs in the field looked like and what they all were ab out, i thought i did it all. i became SO excited to start that i sort of bit the bullet, told myself that i could do this and that i should do something i have never thought i could do.
so i started. annnnnnd everything during the first week seemed to be going okay but i was struggling but duh, i had just started something that i have never done before and knew nothing about. i was sort of understand, asking for help when needed and attended all the meetings that were required. but that voice in my head said to keep going, to keep pushing, and to keep doing something i have never done before. then came week three of the boot-camp. i sat there, did my reading, when i got to my assignment, shit hit the fan.
i realized this wasnt for me. i spent two hours balling my eyes out because i felt like a failure, that i wasted so much time and money (that is a whole other can of worms. i kept thinking that i let myself down. i had these thoughts of: “how lame am i that i couldnt even finish something i said i could?”. ” i feel really stupid because i told the world what i was doing and now i decided that this wasnt for me and i dont want to finish it”. “why would i spend three weeks on something that didnt make me feel fulfilled?”.
then i realized, i liked the idea of what i could be but it truly wasnt who i was. there was time that i sat there and thought: “ugh if i get a job in this field, i dont know if ill like it because theres no planning or coordinating”. “i really dont care what im doing or what im reading” and “you literally cannot stop doing this boot camp because you told yourself you wouldnt quick and i want to better your life”.
it took my about two days to realize that what i thought and what i did was okay. i realized that i shouldnt force myself into something i really dont like or want to do. just because the voice in my head is telling me one thing doesnt mean its meant for me.
i also realized that the voice in my head should be put towards something that i truly WANT, something that keeps me going day after day after day, like this blog, my foodie events, working this brands and the million other things i enjoy.
my point in all of this is, chase a dream that you know you want. i will be honest, when i first signed up for this boot-camp, i thought it was the dream ive been waiting for. i thought it was the answer to all of my “im 25 and i dont know what i want to do with my life” but quickly realized it wasnt my dream and so what? im 25. 25!!!! i have a lot of dreams, you guys do too. i dream of becoming a successful blogger, the best coordinator and planner and whatever else i get my hands into.
like i said, by amping myself up and then backing out made me feel “dumb” and “stupid”. at one point i even said i felt like a failure. but guess what, im not. dont feel like a failure if you tried, if you put your best foot forward and you did what you thought was right. take those negative thoughts and feelings and feed them into finding your passion, finding what it is you dream of doing (yes, you can dream of doing a lot of things). dont let something that YOU didnt like, ruin everything you do.
please please please be honest with yourself + your feelings. its okay to change your mind, its okay to drop everything and start a new dream.
i promise my next post will be sooner than later 😉
my amazing picture taker: