what am i doing?

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hey my friends,

i feel like the season change is creating all these honest feelings, not that i wasnt honest before this but something has been on my mind.

i sit here, 24 and i am at a loss of what i want to do in life. dont worry… i am FULLY aware that i have a lifetime to figure out what i want to do. i am not worried about that. i run my life, my life doesnt run me.

but at the end of the day, its really eats away at me that i dont know what career path i want to take. a part of me, which i think is only natural, gets a little jealous when i see my peers, my past schoolmates and friends figuring it out. what i mean here is, i have friends who went to school for nursing and now theyre bomb ass nurses. it even comes down to as simple as nick, he went to school for finance, and now is getting his MBA. but HOW DID YOU KNOW THATS WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO???

ugh. (insert some quote about how its okay and youll figure it out and all the bullshit).

^^okay, i would totally do something like that too.

yeah i went to school for education soooo why am i not in education? the main reason why im not a teacher is because i opted out of getting my teaching license (one of the best choices i have ever made) and personally, i dont want to be a teacher. i see very close friends of mine struggle with teaching. this may sounds selfish but i am glad im not in their shoes. but do ask them, i support them 100%. simply just isnt for me.

once in a while, i get the question: “why did you waste your time getting a degree that you arent using?”. being asked that makes my face hot, i get sooooo mad! i will say though, i wish i wouldve gotten a more “versatile” degree but at that time in my life, education was what i wanted to do and honestly it still is. just not teaching 😉 (would would be here all day if i had to explain what i actually wanna do, it’s a lot of different ideas and thoughts wrapped into one). i do not regret my choice to get an education degree because i have met so so so many amazing women and children. another reason why i do not regret my choice in getting a degree in education is because its what made sense in my life then and its also kind of how i feel now.

the job i have is not in education. but, the job i have makes sense in life right now. will i regret this choice i am making this second? will i regret not being in education and instead being in costumer service? no. no i wont.

why you ask?

because everything you do in life, is for a reason. some may believe this while others might not but i do. how i see it is, is if i regret all my past schooling, jobs and what not, i wouldnt be where i am today. am i happy where i am today? i am. am i happy with what i am doing in life, no…not 100%.

what!!! im being honest.

but if i didnt try now things, test different outlooks and push myself in different ways, i wouldnt know what i want and dont want.

yes, im 24. i have grown a lot as a person and i will always continue to grow. i mean i have too…i got home yesterday and cried twice because i felt so lost in what i am doing in life. but then i had to remind myself that ITS OKAY!!!! little steps and little bumps (insert joke about be falling off my bike and cracking my head open here) are totally normal, they are what help you figure out what you wanna do in life whether it be now or in 10 or 20 years.

walk away from this knowing youre not alone if you have no idea what you want to do in life. walk away from this being proud that you have your ducks in a row and know what you want do. walk away from this and reflect on your past and know you did what you did because its what made sense, during that time in your life.

woof, i feel like i just wrote a college reflection paper about education (where my ed friends at who will understand this! lol)

rock it! no matter what it is youre rocking.

xoxo

kelsey

 

One thought on “what am i doing?

  1. […] isnt my first time writing about this either, i wrote about it pretty much this same thing back in october and i guess i still have no idea what im doing **insert nervous laugh here**. the reason why i am […]

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